My wife and I are temporally separated. I did a pretty stupid thing, wrote anonymous email to her sister’s boyfriend about him cheating on her sister. I know the emails were wrong to do, but I have been under a lot of stress from everything, like personal things to work stuff.I can admit that some of the contents is a lie, but a lot of it has some truth to it. Well my wife left me, she says because I would have just lied to her face and she was not willing to take that. The day before she found out about the emails I had sent, we were have a argument about if I had any other email address other then what she knows of.On my personal laptop there was an email address which is not any anyone or mine I have ever emailed. I strongly told her no that I do not have any other emails other then the ones she is aware of. That is the big lie to her face that she felt that I would not of told her the truth about haven sent the anonymous emails.She feel that if I was so strong to of made her feel like I was telling her the truth about not having any other email address, I would not of told her the truth about the anonymous box and what I had done.I am very scared that she is going to leave me forever and not give me a chance to prove I am doing what ever it takes to understand why I did what I did and that I want to be a better husband for her and for myself. I am presently seeing a psychologist to understand more of why I did this act of childish mischief and to learn how to speak up more for my feelings and better communicate.The doc has asked to meet with her and myself, but she continues to talk about the emails and when and how they were sent. She does not believe anything I am saying and when I am telling her the truth she is saying that I am only say what she wants to heard.I love her very much and wish that maybe someone may be able to open her eyes and see that I am trying to understand and become a better person. I know if we can get together in the present of the psychologist that she will understand more. I don’t want to give up on the relationship and she tells me that she does want to work thing out.Alone at Home
First you need to understand why you did what you did.On some level you had to know that it would get back to your wife that you made false accusations about her sister’s boyfriend. You need to soul search now and understand why you wrote that letter. How were you hoping that your wife would react when she found out? Were you hoping to pick a fight with her?I notice that you sited being under stress as a reason why you wrote the letter. It is not uncommon for a person to unconsciously set up a fight in order to release stress. Having a good fight does drain off steam. Is this what you did?Look at yourself with a cold eye and see if picking fights to drain off internal pressure is a pattern of yours. If it is, you at least know what you need to work on: Finding more appropriate ways of dealing with stress.You also may discover that you have a pattern of behaving in provocative ways when you are angry inside. This is called projection and it is an unconscious mechanism that permits a person to rid himself of unwanted feelings, usually anger, by dumping them on his or her partner.When projection is afoot, the angry person feels relieved and the partner becomes a screaming looney. Once you figure out why you did what you did, you can take steps to find better, more healthy ways of dealing with your stress and angry feelings.When you talk to your wife and show her that you have made a serious effort to understand yourself and the motives behind your actions, she should be more willing to give you another chance. Let her know that you were locked in an unconscious pattern that was beyond your conscious awareness.She needs to know that you didn’t do what you did intentionally. Then you must begin working on these issues with a therapist. Your wife needs to know that you are working to find better coping mechanisms. This should help to rebuild her trust.
