Hello Dr. Love,I am a 16 year old male, and I have had my eye on this beautiful, charming girl (or should i say young woman) for a long time. I have been debating whether or not i should ask her out. I always tell myself to wait and see if she shows anything to even hint that she likes me, and thee are many things she does that could be signs that she does. I just am really shy, and I do not think that I am good enough for her. I need advice on what I should do. Thanks
You sound absolutely adorable. Your problem isn’t that you are shy (many people are) it’s that your self-esteem isn’t where it should be (I don’t think I’m good enough for her). How come you don’t you know how great you are? Just from reading your question, I saw special qualities in you–honesty, openness, ability to care. You need to work on improving your self-image (go to my Advice Archives and type in the search words: shy, self-esteem and scared to make the first move).I want you to know that when a person gets caught up in self-doubt, it is hard to see the world around him. In fact, this girl may be sending you green lights, but you may not notice her cues because you are blinded by your fear and self-doubt. Take my advice. The next time you are in her presence, step outside yourself and study her behavior. I bet you will see that she is inviting you to come in closer.Does she smile at you? Does she glance your way? Inviting body language is the main way that a woman lets a man know that he is welcome. Even if you don’t observe the cues that I mentioned above, all hope isn’t lost. She may not be aware that you are interested in her (since you’re shy, you must be hanging back). I think you need to make your liking known. Humans are drawn to people who like them. So, walk up to her and tell her what you admire about her.You can’t get rejected starting this way (who would say, get away from me, I can’t hear such fine things about myself. . . I don’t think so!) Next, begin a conversation by asking her questions about herself (who doesn’t like talking about him or herself), show that you are interested in what is interesting to her. . . in short, be a friend. The best love affairs and happiest marriages are founded on solid friendships. Even though you feel unworthy of her, and afraid of rejection, how much worse will you feel if you don’t take a chance? Keep in mind that if you ease in through the friendship door, you will be protecting yourself from humiliation.So, lead with positive statements about her start a friendship. What’s the worst that can happen? She’ll say she doesn’t want to be your friend. Not likely. The girl would have to be nuts to turn away a man that is demonstrates such interest and devotion. After you become friends, then you can discuss your feelings about wanting more from the relationship. So, loverboy, I want to be kept posted. After you approach her on the friendship front, let me hear from you. Then, we can move to phase two. I don’t need to wish you good luck. Luck doesn’t apply in this case. All you need is the nerve to override your fears. Just do it and report back to base.
