By the age of 28 I have never had a boyfriend or been asked out. I am not attractive- I am overweight and perhaps a bit different from the average girl- I have always had plenty of friends so this has never seemed a problem.At present I have a very close friendship with a classmate, a man who is 46. I like him a lot- and through various comments he has led me to believe that he feels the same. However I am shy when it comes to discussing these things- I will never discuss who I like with anybody as there is no point as the average man would reject me. As I am inexperienced I can’t really tell if he likes me or not, We spend a lot of time together, always go for lunch together then we often meetup for a coffee before we go home or just spend the evening together talking.He told me once when he was quite drunk that he found me attractive and would like us to ‘get together’ in the future. However drunk men say a lot of things and I was too shy to say anything so the subject did not carry on-People treat u s as a couple even though we are not and we get lots of comments(not in a bad way) that just causes us to look embarressed. He quite often says things that makes me think he is interested-we were playing a daft game of truth and someone asked him who he wanted most in the course he would not say but looked at me and said’you know’- is this a hint?, there are plenty of other girls he speaks to much prettier than me,maybe he meant them?I want to know what he wants, but I don’t even know if would want to go out with him.He looks his age and after years of having no-one I would be embaressed to present a boyfriend to my friends especially one mch older. However I amhappy when I am with him and it does not look like anybody else will ever be interested..I really don’t know what do to. I don’t know if he likes me, and even if I did I don’t know if I want him, or could cope with any relationship- he is obviously more experienced than me and i find my lack of experience embarresing, so I am horrified at the prospect of discussing it.Oh what shall I do
It is clear to me that this man is interested in you. When a person speaks under the influence of alcohol, his normal repressive mechanisms are softened, meaning that he usually says his truest feelings.It seems to me that your self-esteem is so low that you can’t see how much this man likes you. Not only does he like you, he also has the patience of a saint.I don’t think it’s your weight that explains why you have never had a boyfriend. Plenty of heavy women are dripping with lovers. You don’t have a boyfriend because you feel so crappy about yourself–look how you described yourself to me–I am not attractive….. Feeling unattractive sends out plague vibes. Who wants to date someone who is unattractive. And, the longer you go without a boyfriend, the crappier you feel.What’s more, you seem more willing to feel crappy about yourself than to risk feeling embarrassed. I wonder why you are so allergic to feeling embarrassed. What stops you from feeling embarassed over your lack of experience and going for it anyway? What’s the worst thing that will happen? So, you have a discussion with him and it turns out that he doesn’t like you (I doubt this). See my Advice Archives under fear of rejection, low self-esteem and scared of making the first move.)This is a case in which you need to bite the bullet. People don’t die from embarrassment. They just feel embarrassed and they get over it. If you don’t do something you will be alone for the rest of your life. The pain of this is far worse than a fleeting feeling of embarrassment.As for your lack of sexual experience. You are looking at your lack of experience in the most self-demeaning light. Many men feel honored that a woman waited for them. You have many ways of presenting why you haven’t been with a man. Instead of putting it like–I’m a reject–why not present your lack of experience as, I saved myself for you. How utterly charming and appealing for a man to hear that no other man meant enough for you to want to take the plunge!So, my advice to you, is get on with it. Stop hiding behind a puny self-esteem and a bigger behind than Twiggy… and get a boyfriend.
