Known to millions as “Dr. Love” through my website AskDrLove.com — the web’s first and immensely popular relationship advice site since 1995, I’ve been delighting readers and audiences for three decades with my engaging blend of professional expertise, humor and ability to turn clinical psychobabble into easy-to-understand concepts that transform lives and heal relationships. I hold a Ph.D. in Psychology and have been working with individuals and couples for over three decades.My “Ask Dr. Love” radio show can be heard on WMEX 1510 AM and over DreamVisions7 Radio Network, which broadcasts in 80 countries worldwide.
I am the author of several books including, Kiss Your Fights Good-bye: Dr. Love’s 10 Simple Steps to Cooling Conflict and Rekindling Your Relationship, which has been endorsed by #1 New York Times bestselling authors Jack Canfield, Dr. John Gray, John Bradshaw and Harvard professor of psychiatry, Dr. John Mack, Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First): A Step-by-Step Guide for Resolving Relationship Conflict; Make Up Don’t Break Up: Dr. Love’s Five-Step Plan for Reconciling with Your Ex; and Dr. Love’s Couples’ Guide to Surviving the Jolly Hollerdays. I have also authored the foreword to The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Affair Proof Love and co-authored The Pleasure of Your Company: A Socio-Psychological Analysis of Modern Sociability (with Emile Jean Pin).
My newest book, Love Never Dies: How to Reconnect and Make Peace with the Deceased, published by Hay House, became an instant bestseller. I share my personal experience of reconnecting with my departed husband and the miraculous manifestations that have taken place to prove that love never dies and we don’t have to let go of our loved ones in spirit. From my experience, both as someone who lost a loved one and from my decades of researching relationships, I created a revolutionary grief therapy method called Trans-Dimensional Grief Therapy. This new model departs drastically from Western views—let go and move on—and helps those who are grieving reconnect and heal relationships with the deceased.
Because of the overwhelming response to my book, Love Never Dies, I created Love Never Dies Experiential Retreats to work in a small group setting to help those learn how to reconnect, make peace and heal old wounds on my tranquil property in Millbrook, New York.
As seen on:
My Mission Statement for DrLove.com
Dr. Turndorf’s Personal Experience
Since the recent death of Emile Jean Pin, my beloved husband of 27 years, I have discovered that relationships do not end in death. His miraculous manifestations, often in front of witnesses, have proven that there is life after life. My experiences with him have led me to develop my groundbreaking Trans-Dimensional grief therapy that diverges from the traditional Western approach (grieve, let go and move on). By contrast, my method guides people to reconnect and, if needed, make peace with the deceased–bringing my acclaimed conflict resolution method to the world of after death communication (ADC). My story and new grief therapy method is presented in my latest bestselling book Love Never Dies: How to Reconnect and Make Peace with the Deceased, published by Hay House.
Connecting souls, whether they are on the earth or spirit plane.
This mission was born out of my having been born 3 months early (I weighed only 2 pounds) and having spent the first 3 months in a preemie nursery. A psychic told me that I decided then that I would devote my life to this work so that other people would not have to suffer the pain of disconnection that I suffered.
The lack of love and connection that I felt in the preemie nursery continued throughout my childhood where I was physically and emotionally beaten by both parents.
Even though my story is extreme, I can say that everyone on the planet has suffered some form of parental lack–whether it be a lack of attunement to our feelings, to outright abuse, rejection or abandonment. This is the human condition. Our parents did the best they could, but it is never enough.
The relationship problems we suffer as adults can always be traced back to the Old Scars we suffered as children. Our early experiences taught us that love isn’t safe, love hurts and/or love gets taken away.
We carry our Old Scars into adulthood by choosing partners who repeat the painful experiences of childhood. So, for example, if we had an absent father, we will choose an absent partner. Our adult relationships just add salt to our original wounds, proving to us that it isn’t safe to love.
Next, we fall into the dying by our own sword defense. Since we know that love is going to be taken from us, we say and do things to push away those closest to us. If our love is going to “die” we at least want to be in control of the ending. So we engage in a preemptive strike and reject the other person before he/she can take the love away from us.
Without knowing it, we say and do all kinds of things that push away those closest to us. Maybe we pick fights, or maybe we distance ourselves–the options are endless. These operations create relationship distress and fighting. Soon we have chained ourselves to relationships that feel like life sentences without parole…or we become our own emotional jailors, locking ourselves in solitary confinement.
I help people break free of these emotional chains.
First, I help heal the Old Scars so that you are healthy enough to choose a partner who can actually love you back, rather than repeat your childhood lacks.
I also teach you how to transform your intimate relationship into an oasis of healing so that you and your partner can work together to heal your Old Scars together. As the Old Scars fade, your relationships become happier and less fraught with fighting. This is the essence of Kiss Your Fights Good-bye.
Once we resolve our Old Scars, and we bullet proof our relationship so that we don’t have to risk losing a partner due to a break up or divorce, we still find ourselves afraid of loving and losing.
Here is where Love Never Dies comes in. As our story proves, we don’t lose those we love because love is eternal and only our bodies cease to exist.
Knowing this we can fearlessly leap off the ledge of love like never before knowing that our loved ones in spirit will always catch our hearts and hold us eternally close to them.
Dr. Love’s Core Therapy™ Method: Free To Love
Dr. Love’s Core Therapy™ Method: Free To Love
Let Dr. Love help you find love, fix a rocky relationship, get your ex back and even reconnect as well as heal a relationship with someone who has passed!
Whether you’re single and searching for love, in a rocky relationship, considering separation, single again following a divorce or death of a loved one, or scared to reenter the dating scene following a bad breakup, it’s my mission to help you move past your impasse so that you can experience the blessing of loving and being loved to the fullest.
I’m known worldwide as Dr. Love, and through TV, books, radio, advice columns, and my website, I’ve helped millions of people create joyful relationships.
As Director of the Center for Emotional Communication, I’ve spent over 30 years researching what makes relationships fail or flourish. I have identified every pothole on the path to love, and I know how to steer you clear of all of them. Now it’s your turn to benefit from my vast experience and knowledge. I promise to walk beside you until journey’s end.
Research proves that a strong relationship will improve your health and make you live a longer and healthier life.
Not having a strong connection with another person or having a relationship that’s full of conflict is deadly. No kidding. Recent research proves that depression, anxiety, and the stress associated with relationship problems releases cortisol and adrenaline as well as other stress related chemicals. These chemicals damage the endothelium in your arteries and lead to atherosclerosis (hardening of the arteries) and heart disease as well as cause premature death!
Stress chemicals also cause inflammation throughout your body. Recent research proves that inflammation is the underlying cause of every degenerative illness and disease known to humankind, so it’s no exaggeration to say that your life depends on having a good love life. Don’t kid yourself, no amount of healthy eating, exercise, or supplements can counteract the damage caused by not having strong connections with others, or undo the harm caused by a relationship that’s not working.
I’m going to show you how to turn your love life around using my groundbreaking approach, which I call CoreTherapy™. Instead of Band-Aid therapies, which offer quick fixes and behavioral tricks that cover the wounds that fester inside all of us, I dig deep to uncover the core of your problem, the Old Scars from childhood that actually cause most of our relationship woes.
How Dr. Turndorf’s Core Therapy™ Method Works
Once you uncover and heal your Old Scars, you won’t need to write me in six months, a year or ten years from now because the same problem has popped up again.
Old Scars resurface in our adult relationships in two ways: the partners we choose and the conflict we experience with our partners. Because our childhood relationships are the psychological blueprint for our adult relationships, we are naturally drawn to life partners who emotionally resemble our parents. We are creatures of habit. Familiar pain is actually more comfortable than facing the unknown.
What’s more, the psyche craves to heal the wounds of childhood by repeating them. Repeating the past helps us to work through our feelings and to hopefully achieve what I call a Happy Ending this time around. The Happy Ending is whatever we yearned for as a child.
We choose partners who resemble our parents because:
1.We are creatures of habit. Familiar pain is actually more comfortable than facing the unknown.
2.The psyche craves to heal the wounds of childhood by repeating them. Repeating the past helps us to work through our feelings and to hopefully achieve what I call a Happy Ending this time around.
For example, if your dad put you down, you will choose a lover who belittles you — not because you’re a glutton for punishment, but because your psyche wants to help you heal. If you manage to get love and appreciation from your partner, your unconscious mind will feel as though you have finally won what you always wanted from your parent.
And no matter how many times you are hurt or disappointed by our partners, we don’t stop trying to win our Happy Ending–because the urge to heal our Old Scars is so strong that our unconscious minds never want to give up. This is called the Repetition Compulsion. Unfortunately, the Repetition Compulsion rarely works; instead of winning the love and appreciation we crave, we end up heartbroken all over again, precisely because our partner is as limited as our parent was and therefore incapable of giving us any more or any better than we received as a child.
Below are some quick tests to determine where you are stuck in your relationships. There are examples included as well as explaining the core issue you may be experiencing. Answer each question honestly – this will help you begin the healing process:
Quick Test To Determine if You are Stuck in a Repetition Compulsion
1.You keep choosing partners who you know are wrong for you. YES or NO
2.You find it impossible to let go of a partner who is wrong for you. YES or NO
3.You only feel attracted to partners who mistreat you. YES or NO
4.You find yourself wanting to get back with someone who is wrong for you and/or mistreated you. YES or NO
5.You are filled with sadness at the thought of giving up your partner despite the fact that you are being mistreated or your needs aren’t being met. YES or NO
If you answered YES to any of these questions, you are locked in a Repetition Compulsion.
There are other ways that our psychological blueprint damages our love life. Even if we manage not to choose a partner like the parent or parents who caused emotional harm, we will find ourselves unconsciously driven to turn our partner into our parent in order to repeat the trauma we suffered as a child, again with the hope of achieving our Happy Ending.
Quick Test to Determine if Your Unconscious Mind is Trying to Turn Your Partner into Your Parent
1.You find yourself pushing your partner’s buttons, but don’t know why. YES or NO
2.You find yourself accusing your partner even though you know your accusations aren’t justified. YES or NO
3.You feel a sense of dread, as if you’re waiting for your partner to harm you. YES or NO
4.You find yourself misinterpreting your partner’s words and actions and assuming negative intentions even when they don’t actually exist. YES or NO
5.You feel afraid that your relationship will end in disaster. YES or NO
If you answered YES to any of these questions, your unconscious mind is trying to turn your partner into your parent.
For example, let’s say your mother abandoned the family when you were young. This experience left you with a fear of being abandoned. In your adult relationships, you will assume that each and every partner is going to walk out on you, when, in fact, your partner has no intention of doing so. In spite of reality, you are clingy, possessive, jealous, suspicious, or always accusing your partner of cheating, and guess what? Your partner gets so furious to be falsely accused that he/she ends up leaving you. Your unconscious succeeded in recreating your childhood, but once again there’s no chance for a Happy Ending.
The wounds of childhood (what I call Old Scars) have yet another way of wreaking havoc on your relationships. They add fuel to the fire and cause endless fighting. How? The mind works by association, unconsciously comparing present events with early experiences. This explains why you react with great emotional intensity to minor things that your partner says or does. This is because your mind is making a connection between what’s happening now and what happened to you as a child.
For example, one of my patients was out to dinner with her husband. He kept checking his watch in order to be sure to feed the meter at the right time. She went ballistic and started yelling at him, “I can see you can’t wait to get out of here and away from me…” Since her dad had no time for her, her unconscious mind linked her husband and her father; suddenly, all her buried hurt and anger came out on her husband, adding fuel to her fire. Of course, when she loses it, her partner becomes furious in response, and thus begins the cycle of endless fighting.
Quick Test to Determine if Old Scars are Fueling Your Relationship Problems
1.I often find myself overreacting to what my partner says or does. YES or NO
2.When my partner upsets me, I can’t seem to let go of my hurt feelings. YES or NO
3.I expect my partner to hurt or damage me the way my parents did. YES or NO
4.I’m hypersensitive and often feel attacked or put down by my partner. YES or NO
5.I often interpret what my partner says or does as negative even when in reality it isn’t. YES or NO
If you answered YES to any of these questions, old wounds are adding fuel to your fire.
Because Old Scars are the root cause of most relationship conflict, I will show you how to heal your wounds and teach you new and more effective ways of communicating your feelings so that you can grow closer, not farther apart. When you heal your childhood wounds, you not only improve your relationships with others, you also develop a better relationship with yourself. Your self-esteem and self-love blossom when excess psychic baggage is lifted from your shoulders. You are freed to live in the now and enjoy life and love to the fullest.
Dr. Turndorf Can Show You How To:
Rescue yourself from one more day of heartache. Protect your health from the deadly effects of no relationship or a troubled relationship. Create the best, most loving relationship in the world. And since all of us carry old wounds, do yourself a favor and make sure that you have your partner, spouse, friends, and loved ones read this letter and encourage them to take the necessary steps as well.
The best place to start is with my groundbreaking book, Kiss Your Fights Good-bye: Dr. Love’s 10 Simple Steps to Cooling Conflict and Rekindling Your Relationship Instead of buying it from a major bookseller, you can buy a personally autographed copy of the book here:
Also, use this site to its fullest and browse my weekly free advice columns which go as far back as 1995! You can search by topic or keyword, browse them by year and month, and even browse them by title. All the free advice I have given over the years I offer free on this Web site to benefit of others and help people like you create loving, lasting relationships. As you will see, you are not alone in your relationship and personal struggles. If you are willing to devote your time to the work, you can break free from your harmful patterns and have the love in your life that your deserve.
Working with Dr. Turndorf
I also run a private practice that offers private counseling to individuals and couples. If you feel you need to explore yourself or your relationships further, you can work with me in person or via phone or Skype. Please click here to set up an appointment via email or click here to set up appointment via phone or Skype.
I look forward to working with you.
— Dr. Jamie Turndorf
TESTIMONIALS FROM THOSE WHO HAVE WORKED PRIVATELY WITH DR. TURNDORF
My wife and I were fighting all the time, and I was sure our marriage was over. Dr. Turndorf helped me understand how my words and actions were hurting my wife and actually triggering the Old Scars from her first family. Then, Dr. Turndorf showed me what to say and do differently in order to help my wife heal these Old Scars. For the first time in our 25-year marriage, my wife actually feels like I’m on her side. And the fighting has magically stopped. We are eternally grateful to Dr. Turndorf for saving our marriage. Dr. Michael D.
I came to Dr. Turndorf after having attempted suicide. I was so depressed because I couldn’t seem to stop choosing partners who cheat on me. Dr. Turndorf helped me to uncover and heal the cause of this pattern. I met a wonderful man, married him, and we have lived, quite literally, happily ever after. Thank you Dr. Turndorf for saving my life! Dawn W.
My wife and I lived a sexless marriage for nearly 25 years! There was so much hurt and anger on both our parts. Dr. Turndorf patiently uncovered the real cause of the problem and resolved it. Who could have ever imagined that my wife and I could feel like newlyweds again in our 50s! In truth, our love is stronger now than ever. Thank you, Dr. Turndorf! Keith B.