Hi Dr. Love,
I've been reading your advices and really makes sense so I decided to ask you about my situation with my boyfriend of a year. We are on our 40's and am older by 4 years to my boyfriend.
We are living together for more than six months now and I noticed something weird. There are times that when we are sleeping which I used to lay my arms around him he would just take it off and say words such as :get off me you bitch am over this" and others that of course wakes me up. He would explain that he is not aware of it as he was sleeping. I am thinking if it is from his past relationships which he actually had a few but if that's the case, does it means that it still troubles him? that he's not over it. I told him it really affects me but i try to understand him but it seems he is avoiding such problem and just ignoring it. What can i do about it?
And most of the times when we are upset in some situations he would always ask me if i want him to leave which makes me think he really doesn't love me that much or that he is expecting I would ask him to leave so he would make the move to ask and say he is used to it. I feel challenged with it and shows him that loving a person is not only when you feel good but it is when you feel bad you work it out together and let love overpower negative emotions. . I feel like he is the type of guy that can't handle much responsibility and pressure and would just easily give up on a relationship. I feel that the relationship only depends on me, that am just the one to think that our love is worth it and i need to explain it to him and ask him how he really feels and he would say he loves me with all his heart. He would always say just love him and go with the flow. There are times I want to break up with him as am scared he might just do it to me but I can't as I really love him. Its the security from the relationship that is missing.
One reason I think why we are on a relationship despite many differences is our feeling of need of each other as I am a thinker, more serious and plans ahead in life while he hates worrying and thinking. He made me feel a bit relaxed and seeing his perspective of life while he is partly willing to listen to my ways as well but I am as well careful as he says he doesn't like to be told what to do. I don't want him to feel that his life is changing just because He is with me but there are times I am thinking will it really work out?
I am sure you can advise me if there is hope with us having different personalities or should I stop hoping.