There comes a point in every caring and loving relationship when ex-flames need to be discussed. Each partner will probably have a past history that they may or may not be too happy to talk about. Your partner may have reached a different level of sexual intimacy with his/her ex than you had with yours. And there are always questions on the other person's mind. So it's better to sort them out first so that your relationship can progress without any doubts. Here's a guide to dealing with that tricky conversation.
HANDLE IT WITH CAUTION
You find yourself lying in bed with your partner one night, enjoying a romantic evening and then suddenly, he/she asks, "How many lovers have you been with? Tell me honestly."
Don't be alarmed, as this is a common question that comes up in most relationships. You just have to decide how you want to handle the question. It is said that men always manipulate the figure by adding two to their total, whereas women generally subtract two. If you feel comfortable enough to reveal the truth, then you should. However, keep in mind that you cannot control how your partner may react — total shock or maybe nonchalance. Also, knowing the grand total of your partner may not be a pleasant experience for you either.
DON’T DELVE INTO DETAILS
There is no need to reveal intimate details of your previous sexual relationships. Even if your partner is your best friend, you can spare the information that you would otherwise love to discuss with your mates. Finer details of your affair are best kept to yourself.
It is best to stick to the basic facts of your past relationships. Just mention the number of lovers you have been with and leave it at that. Unless you want to ruin your chances with your current flame, that is all that should be revealed. Keep in mind that discussing your past with your current partner is a sensitive issue that should be handled with care.
THE ISSUE OF SEXUAL HEALTH
If there is something from your sexual past that makes you extremely uncomfortable, there is no need to disclose it. But when it comes to sexual health, information about STDs and such, that you may be concerned about, should be discussed. Ultimately, your partner is at a risk of contracting diseases that you may already have. Getting tested can help to sort through these issues. Remember you are entitled to a certain amount of privacy as well.
REASSURE YOUR PARTNER
Sometimes discussing your sexual past can raise issues in your current relationship. Your partner may be worried that your past lovers were better in bed than him/her. He/she can get insecure about your past intimacy levels and what is expected from him/her. Make sure you reassure your partner about your commitment to the relationship and your desire to be with him/her. Work on your current sexual relationship and avoid discussing about the past. Once your partner realizes that you are only attracted to him/her, your past relations will no longer be a topic of conversation.
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